How do you criticize a marginalized person?

A Message from Your Humorless Feminist Overlords!: Hello my friends from r/MensRights! First, let me retitle your nonsense post “Q: How do you criticize a marginalized person? A: You can’t. Ever.” to what it is here “Q: How do you criticize a marginalized person? A: Very carefully!” lol! Despite what you’d like to think, this conversation isn’t actually about men or women, but another group of marginalized people. I’m not even a little sorry that we use a term like “mansplain” or that we accept the fact that criticizing a marginalized person is difficult. Because it IS! We’re talking about how WE (yes, Dee and Kita) would address someone of a marginalized group, btw. We accept that we, even as crazy feminazis riding the bad-boy cock carousel, might have privilege!

Welcome to “irc time with Dee and Kita.” Today we try to discuss how to approach a friend that’s a member of a marginalized group. As always, your comments are welcome!

<Dee> SO, how do you criticize someone from a stance of privilege?
<Kita> most people would say you can’t
<Kita> not really
<Kita> like, how can men offer constructive criticism of feminism?
<Kita> usually that ends with me laughing and wanting to stab them in the eye with a fondue fork
<Dee> But what about individuals?
<Kita> Now you’re asking “can we separate a privileged individual from the institution?”
<Kita> essentially
<Dee> I mean, yes, I think dudes do try to comment on feminism, except most of them go about it the wrong way which is “You shouldn’t feel that way” or “I’VE never experienced/done that.”
<Kita> Also mansplaining.
<Kita> That’s what it always looks like when a privileged individual tries to critique the marginalized person/s
<Kita> My answer sucks.
<Kita> Sorry.
<Dee> Mansplaining is like sitting in a small car with your sibling who won’t stop poking you. In short, yes your sibling can explain WHY they keep doing that but really, you just want them to stop.
<Kita> Ha ha ha
<Kita> It’s also a great way to put yourself in the *real* position of power by making your listener doubt their own reality.
<Kita> how can they be confident of ANYTHING they say after that?
<Dee> Indeed.
<Dee> Or to adjust the metaphor slightly, it’s your sibling sitting there going “I’m not touching you” while poking you.
<Kita> YES
<Kita> I’m trying to think of when I’ve had to check my own privilege.
<Kita> And if I could do anything but listen from that point on.
<Kita> I don’t know
<Dee> I know I have a few times with trans issues, especially when I first encountered them.  Also, generally black women’s issues.  I can do my best to advocate for them, but at the end of the day, I need to STFU and listen.
<Dee> Also, bell hooks.
<Dee> I love her.
<Kita> Oh yeah. DOES THAT EVEN NEED TO BE SAID?
<Kita> Okay, but we’re talking about a *specific person*.
<Kita> Asking them to look beyond their status as a marginalized person.
<Kita> Normally I’d say that isn’t fair except when it’s someone you know personally.
<Dee> And instead look at themselves as an adult human.
<Dee> No, I’d agree, but when you know someone well enough to do that, it’s still hard to do.
<Kita> Bleh, you have to be too sensitive to the issue.
<Kita> If you sit someone down and say “plz look past your marginalized status” THEN ALARM BELLS GO OFF
<Kita> and then defensiveness and the convo is over.
<Dee> Indeed.
<Kita> So maybe bring up the issue and let them come to the table with OMG MARGINALIZED STATUS?
<Dee> Maybe, but by that point they’re already defensive.
<Dee> I have no solutions.  This is probably because I tend to fly headlong into this shit.
<Dee> Sensitive issues are BULLDOZED OVER by my epic lack of tact.
<Kita> I tend to go the other direction, soften the blow until it’s all sunshine and feather pillows.
<Kita> BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED WE ARE ONE DECENT HUMAN BEING
<Dee> HURRAH.
<Dee> Capable of appropriate communication!
<Kita> \o/